It’s mid-January and, for many folks, reality is meeting their resolutions. Already I noticed that the gym was less crowded this Sunday than it was on the 1st or the 8th. What happens as you try to keep your resolutions? What makes the difference between those you keep and those you let go? I’ve discovered at least three keys that make a huge difference for me.

First, how often do you set a STRONG RESOLUTION that is a HUGE GOAL? We’re encouraged to set our sights high, imagine our ideal, and not sell ourselves short. But is this really good advice? Especially if you have a goal in an area of your life that is somewhat new to you, this advice might be dooming you to failure. If you set a strong intention on an ideal that is way out ahead of you, you may defeat yourself before you barely get going.

Having a strong intention can get in your way if it causes you to think idealistically and overlook real life conditions and circumstances. For example, if you want to get in shape and set your goal on losing 50 pounds by exercising intensely for two hours per day at a gym across town, you may do this for a week or two. However, it’s highly likely that you’ll get sore and exhausted, tire of the travel, and find other demands pressing on your workout time. If instead, you set your intention to workout 20 minutes a day doing moderately demanding exercises that you can do conveniently, you’re more likely to be successful. Especially, if you are new to a specific activity, set easily attainable goals, check them off, gain confidence, and then set slightly higher expectations if you want even better results.

The bottom line is this: whatever you want to expand in your life, consider what you are currently doing and the reasons for it. Consider what time, energy, and resources you have and what is really doable. That doesn’t mean that you need to be a pessimist. It just means that you’ll be more successful if you take your real life responsibilities and resources into account and develop an action plan that balances the new thing you want to do with the other activities that are important to you. Those who are most successful in reaching their goals, set intentions that are “mid-range.” They are enough of a “reach” to inspire you and realistic enough to give you confidence that you can do it. Set realistic intentions.

Secondly, any goal is a journey of small steps. Break your goal down into small steps and have a long-term perspective. No matter what you want to do, there’s going to be steps of research, gathering resources, scheduling, communicating with others, taking action, evaluating how it went, making adjustments, and taking more action. If any step feels too big or intimidating, break it down into smaller actions that feel more doable. For example, if making a career change feels “HUGE,” start by researching online, talking to others who are doing what you want to do, taking a class, volunteering in the field, and getting your feet wet. Once you’re engaged in the small steps, your new activity will take on a life of its own and carry you forward.

Finally, if what you want to do is to “stop doing something,” focus on what you want to do instead. Focus on positive action. For example:

*If you want to quit eating sugar and starchy carbs, focus on the proteins, veggies, and other foods that you will replace them with. Make what you will eat attractive and focus on that.

*If you want to stop complaining, focus on expressing appreciation.

*If you think you have no options or opportunities, focus on gratitude for what you do have.

Focus on positive replacements for actions you no longer want to participate in. Positive action is more inspiring and psychologically effective.

I would love to hear what helps you stick with your resolutions.

Enjoy your practice,

Kevin

Kevin Schoeninger

P.S. This month at Spiritual Growth Monthly we’re focusing on strategies for creating what you truly desire and overcoming the challenges along the way. Click here to learn more.

It’s easy to make judgments based on headlines, sound-bites, and a few sentences in an email. Jumping to conclusions based on limited data seems to be a growing epidemic. Maybe it’s our increasing habit of transferring tiny bits of info that is fueling this trend. In this post, we’ll explore the mental mistake of jumping to conclusions and why it’s such a dangerous habit.

This week we received a lot of email feedback, as we always do. A few of them struck a harsh chord. They often go something like this:

“I can’t believe you would say such and such. There is no scientific evidence for that. You are just trying to make money off other people’s ignorance. For example, telling people that they can do “X and Y” to change their “Z” is a bunch of lies. You don’t know what it’s like. You should be ashamed for raising people’s hopes up.”

Now, let me say that we receive a lot of emails and most are really supportive of what we do. However, there are some of these other ones that tend to jump out at you. I want to highlight this because I think it’s indicative of an epidemic of jumping to conclusions based on limited evidence and misattribution of another’s intent.

Let’s explore these two faulty mental maneuvers.

The first one I’ll call “poor science.” I am sure that I could show you scientific evidence to support almost any conclusion you could think of. Yes, a scientific approach is important to weed out what is helpful from what is harmful, what is accurate from what is inaccurate. We can all benefit from weighing evidence and testing our assumptions and conclusions. It’s important to test things out in our own experience and weigh them against what others have discovered and “proven.”

However, I find that sometimes people who throw around “scientific evidence” come across in the least scientific way. “Science” is often used to justify what we already believe. It’s common to find a study that supports our belief system and then say, “Now there’s the real science.” That’s something to watch out for. That’s poor science.

For example, if you look at a human being as primarily a bio-chemical system, you could justify prescribing drugs for depression. If you view humans as fundamentally beings of “consciousness” or “energy” which then informs the DNA and programs body chemistry, you would look at healing depression by transforming energy, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Depending on what you already believe, you could find science to support either or both points of view.

A second maneuver is to think that we know what someone else is thinking, what they’ve been through, or what they intend. It’s easy to assume a “mind-reading” position. It’s important to recognize that we don’t know what someone else is thinking, what they’ve been through, or what they intend. We may very easily misinterpret things according to our own prejudices and judgments. For example, some people have difficulty with people charging money for teaching things like meditation, personal development, or spiritual growth practices. Another person may see these as equivalent to any other interest and talent that one shares to serve others and earn a living. Certainly you could find “good” and “bad” examples of both points of view.

How often have you jumped to a conclusion that you later realized was just a misinterpretation once you checked it out more in-depth?

The bottom line is: “We do not perceive things as they are, but always through a filter of our own preconceptions, judgments, intentions, beliefs, and how we feel at the moment.” I believe that the greatest service we can do for ourselves and others is to slow down a bit, take a breath, reflect on where we are coming from, and then seek to understand others better. When something pushes our buttons, we’ll help everyone out if we look at ourselves first to understand why something was such a “hot button” for us. If we take personal responsibility for our own feelings, we are much more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt.

I welcome your comments and constructive feedback.

Enjoy your practice,

Kevin

Kevin Schoeninger

P.S. At Spiritual Growth Monthly we support each other to grow in insight, love, and understanding.

So here we are in 2012—a year with much hype. Is this year really all that it’s cracked up to be? Is it the end of an era? What will 2012 bring to the planet? I’m not “a psychic,” nor do I normally put much stock in predictions. However, there are a couple things I notice about this year. In this post, we’ll explore two points that may give 2012 a powerful meaning in your life.

First, I believe that the meaning of 2012 is the same as the meaning of every year—except amplified. Whether it’s some alignment of our galaxy or simply a point that we’ve reached because of our history of behavior up to now, for whatever reason, the meaning of 2012 seems to be amplified. What is this meaning?

Here’s my take:

The meaning of 2012 is the meaning you give to it. We do not experience things “as they are,” but as we filter them through our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. What we experience is the result of what we bring to our experience. Each of us is a conscious presence who can inhabit anything we choose—any intentions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions. What we choose to inhabit determines the experiences we have and the meaning of our life. We are “meaning giving” beings.

It seems to me that what is unique about this year is that our meaning giving activity is amplified. The meaning we give to our lives is mirrored back to us more strongly and immediately. What we experience is the instant revelation of the choices we make. We experience immediate and amplified consequences of the way we are thinking, feeling, believing, and acting.

For example, if we are thinking one way but acting another, that is shown to us straight away by experiences of tension. If we say one thing, but do another, we experience immediate conflict. If we put off something that we know is best to do, our conscience may tug at us as never before. Relationships that are based on anything less than honesty and integrity may crumble right before our eyes. I believe that action and consequence are accelerated and amplified, so that we can no longer “get away with” being less than authentic. It seems to me that we are being pushed to be honest and integrated as never before.

I notice this on an individual and a global scale. Things that have been hidden are being brought to the light. If I have been hiding something from myself, even for years, it is now being shown to me in an inescapable way. In the news, I see all kinds of corruption and dishonesty being brought to the surface. Anything that is not on the firm ground of authenticity and integrity is being shaken up.

Am I projecting all of this? Am I making it all up? It’s possible. After all, we are meaning giving beings and we can believe anything we want. Yet that only proves the point that we are meaning-giving beings. If this is true, authenticity seems to be the rule for success. When you are aligned with “who you are” and “What you are here to do,” your meaning giving activity becomes powerful. This is my second point—authenticity is the rule for success for all meaning-giving beings.

So, what will 2012 be for you?

Whatever you make of it.

I encourage you to make it a year when you honor your authenticity and encourage others to do the same. Be yourself. Do what you are here to do. Love others for who they are. Send your loving acceptance to all beings. I believe the energy of 2012 is here to support us to do that in ways that we may not have been able to up to this point.

Enjoy your practice!

Kevin

Kevin Schoeninger

P.S. At Spiritual Growth Monthly we support each other to discover “Who we are” and “What we are here to do.” This month at SGM, we focus on “How to Create a Happy New Year!” Click here to find out more!