Archive for April 11th, 2011

The Ironic Secret to Change

It’s seems counter-intuitive, yet one of the secrets to changing your life is accepting things exactly as they are.
Why is that?

When you judge yourself or a situation as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” or wish or think that things “should be” different, that limits your perception. You filter reality down to a binary set of possibilities. It’s like having blinders on. Life always exceeds such oversimplified descriptions. These descriptions also create inner resistance and tension with what is going on.

In contrast, when you accept what is happening, you see it more fully and clearly. You take in a wider view in which you have a greater range of possibilities.

Through acceptance, you begin to see why things are the way they are. You see the complex web of cause and effect. When you realize the many interrelated factors that have made things exactly as they are, you see that things really shouldn’t be any other than they are given what has happened previously.

You see the logic of “what is” and this further frees you from judging that things “should be” different. Things are the way they are because of x, y, and z—and other reasons beyond your knowing. When you understand some of the factors that caused a specific result, you understand that making different choices would result in different outcomes.

So, when you notice that you are being self-critical, judging others, or thinking that things “should be” different than they are, you might pause, take a deep breath, and shift into acceptance. Accept what you’ve done, what others have done, and what is happening. Instead of resisting “what is,” see what happens if you practice acceptance. When you do that, you open the door for clear insight and new possibilities to emerge.

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about how to take acceptance one step farther.


Kevin Schoeninger

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